I've been trying to decide if I wanted to do a post about my story. It's not always fun to talk about and I've been trying to think if I even wanted to share it or what parts I wanted to share, etc. I have decided, for personal reasons, to only share the basics of my story, but I feel a calling to share what little I can anyways.
I do feel that if anyone can learn something, or be inspired by a story than it is worth telling. I think that my story may be one that someone needs to hear and maybe, possibly, they will see it here.
I got saved when I was very young. I was raised in church and went almost every Sunday. When I got into middle school however, my priorities changed. I of course believed in God, but pushed him to the side and focused more on friends, finding my "niche", and boys (like most middle school girls). I hid most of these things from my family and church family. I lived two different lives for the most part and they barely intermingled. God tried to get my attention a few times back then with big things that occurred in my life, but I wasn't listening, I wanted to live my life MY way and do what I wanted to do.
When I was in high school I was living my life for me. I was doing anything and everything to make ME happy, or what I thought was happiness. I got into a lot of awful things, did a lot of awful things, and probably hurt a lot of people along the way. It seemed like I was in a horrible downward spiral that I was too far into to get out of. As the years progressed, I got deeper and deeper into the hole I had dug for myself. Every so often I would get a sign that God was trying to help me out, but I ignored them and just kept going under. In October of 2010, I got into a pretty scary car accident. It was just me, no other cars, and I could have been seriously injured, but God protected me. I knew he was trying to tell me that he wasn't going to let me keep doing these things to myself and my family. I knew that my family and church family could help me through whatever it was I was going though, but I just couldn't give up the life I was living. I was way too far away from God at this point. There were a few more signs that happened in the next two months where I knew God was really pulling at me, but it still wasn't enough for me. I just kept going on my own path.
In January of 2011 I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock, disbelief even. There was no way I could be pregnant! People like me don't get pregnant! How could I let this happen? Those were the things I was thinking at this point. There were a lot of tears, a lot of fights, and a lot of "ah ha" moments before the biggest "Ah ha" moment God has ever let me experience. The birth of my daughter.
When Harper was born, my whole world turned upside down. God showed me a love I had never experienced before, the love of a mother for her child. I couldn't go back to how I was living before, how could I? I had this new precious life to care for, nurture, and love unconditionally, just as God had loved me though it all. Could I ever forgive myself for what I had put everyone through all of those years? I'm still not so sure, however I know who can forgive me and who already has and that is God. He has ALWAYS been there for me, no matter if I wanted to see him or not. I am thankful that God kept pulling at me, because without him, I wouldn't be the mother I am to Harper today. I know this is the path I was meant to walk, and I do not regret my past because it has made me who I am today. God knew what he was doing all along, doesn't he always?
My hope is that people will turn to him before they have to go though all of the things I have been through. I wish that my story can help someone know that there is someone who is out there wanting to save you from it all and can help you through anything! This blog may be about my life with Harper and the parenting decisions that I feel strongly about, but without God I wouldn't even be writing this blog, I would still be lost.
Hebrews 4:16 says
"Let us therefore come boldly into the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
My wish is that if you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are too far away from God, that you will come BOLDLY into the throne of grace. God is always there for you, no matter what your circumstances. He is on your side! He will help you through the darkest times in your life, as he did mine, and show you something much greater than anything you can imagine, his love for you.
I hope that reading this post for you has not been in vain. That you can take some small piece of what I have said and apply it to your own life.
I am always open to talk to anyone who ever wants to talk. My email is mallorybeth_1@yahoo.com, please feel free to send me an email or message me on Facebook HERE
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog, I hope you have enjoyed it. :)
